Wednesday, September 30, 2009

The 100th!!

Over the last week several people have asked me to explain agoraphobia and OCD. It just seemed like an awful lot of interest in a really short amount of time. I was thinking about how these questions kept coming up as I realized that my 100th blog post is also coming up. (Woo woo!) It’s been a while since my first few posts where I explained everything (and please go back and check out the original OCD and agoraphobia posts if you missed it) so I decided to come full circle on this very special episode of Angela’s Big Bag of Crazy and try to explain it all one more time.

Think of this like that tutorial that comes on every season right before “Lost” comes back with new episodes for all the folks that are all “Crap, I can’t watch that show. It’s too confusing and sci-fi and are they in purgatory or someone’s imagination or the future or something? But I do appreciate all the men without shirts.” Well, now you can be all caught up on my blog and I don’t even have any weird sci-fi twists or judgment day waiting rooms but occasionally I might have a man without a shirt; if that’s what you’re into.

OK, first of all…I have OCD. “Ack! You what?! Do you need to clean everything?!” Misconception number 1: Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder must involve cleaning, de-contaminating, germ-phobia, organizing, or hand-washing. Of all the ways OCD plagues me, cleaning is not one of the ways it manifests despite all my efforts to catch that part of it. What makes OCD what it is are the…drum roll…obsessions and compulsions. And if that is a surprise to you then maybe this whole post is too complicated and you should just go back and read the one about the poop hair or the topless wasp fighting.

The obsessions can be about anything but usually involve harm or danger coming to yourself or someone else around you. My obsessions involve deeply disturbing and incessantly repetitive visions of destruction, blasphemy, and altogether horrific things. To say “visions” isn’t really quite strong enough. I can see, hear, smell, taste and vividly experience these things that I am afraid will happen. It doesn’t really take a vacation and it’s pretty much like a movie that I can’t turn off. My mind believes that I MUST do something to stop the things I see. That’s where the compulsions make their appearance.

The compulsions are anything that is done to relieve the stress, paranoia, anxiety, and fear of the obsessions. My compulsions include checking stoves, locks, candles, lights, and anything thing else that may cause harm. I also have a ritual that I call “clearing” where I basically take the “bad” movies and replay them backwards in my mind or change the endings. I also have compulsions to chant, touch certain things certain ways, repeat words, avoid saying or writing certain words because they are “bad”, and manipulate numbers into safe numbers. Also, I cannot tolerate sticky substances or surfaces and clicking sounds feel like a drill in my head. There was a time where my obsessions and compulsions were dominating almost every moment of my day and night and leaving me unable to actually function.

So how do they work together? I use the compulsions to avoid causing the visions to become reality. That sounds nuts, you say? Well, it is nuts. It’s OCD. Rationally, I understand that touching, counting, clearing etc are not manipulating time and space to save lives. Irrationally, I believe that if I do not perform these compulsions, then the visions will happen and it will be my fault. I believe that I must be constantly vigilant with my compulsions in order to quiet the images in my mind and to keep myself and everyone around me safe. Unfortunately, the irrational part of my mind is much stronger than the rational part. That leads me to misconception number 2.

Misconception number 2: “Just cut it out.” Oh, you clever little devil. Why didn’t I think of that?! I’ll just quit doing all this crazy stuff. OK, I can’t just “cut it out”. OCD is extremely powerful. The chemicals in my mind are real. The adrenaline is real. The fear is real. That’s why they are called compulsions and not the occasional silly little superstitions. You know when someone throws a ball right at your face? Don’t act like no one has ever thrown a ball right at your face. Anyhow, you duck almost without thought to protect yourself. That’s what my compulsions are. It would take an incredible act of will to NOT compulse and it would feel like writing someone’s death sentence. Which is WAY worse than having a ball hit you in the face. I know from experience. And if you still claim to have never had a ball thrown deliberatley at your face, call me. I can arrange it.

So why talk about it? Because it takes a LOT of work to pretend to be normal when your mind is hijacked. I spend a good deal of time in a battle with OCD for control of my thoughts. But, it’s a mental illness. It’s not my fault and now I can quit wasting all that energy trying to hide it and spend more time controlling it. You never cure OCD, but you can sure manage the heck out of it. Which is exactly what I am doing. I use several medications to manage my OCD as well as support of good people and Cognitive Behavior Therapy.

Now for the extra bonus features: I also am doing my best every day to manage agoraphobia and panic disorder. It’s kind of a chicken/egg situation. As in I am a big ol’ chicken when it comes to going to places that aren’t “safe” and it’s probably easier for me to lay an egg than drive anywhere. Imagine yourself in the scariest situation imaginable. Heart racing, overwhelming need to physically run away, sweating, dizzy, and whatever other fun things your body does when it goes into panic mode (Maybe a little poo comes out, I don't know. I won't judge you). I do that without any provocation (But I don't poo in my pants. I'm a lady). It’s like a fun little party trick. Everything is normal, everything is normal, and then BAM…I can’t breathe, can’t see, and I need to run for my life. OCD is sort of a contributing factor to the panic and anxiety because honestly, visions of doom and destruction are pretty stressful, but sometimes it just happens all on it’s own…which is why I am agoraphobic.

I’m afraid to go places because what if I panic or have really strong obsessions that need to be cleared with compulsions and everyone stares at me or thinks I’m weird. Or what if I’m driving and I panic and lose control of the car or I start having visions that distract me. So the easiest solution is to just not go places. I also have a safe person and a safe place which is exactly what it sounds like. My safe person is my husband and my safe place is my house and my chair. I am getting pretty good at going places as long as my safe person is with me and sometimes all alone, and when it gets too overwhelming my safe place is waiting for me at home. Agoraphobia and panic also benefit from medication and CBT.

Where does this leave me today? In the last 100 posts I have gone from a non-functional sufferer in hiding and denial to a somewhat functional member of society. I have been able to go places alone, work through public panic, and drastically reduce the hours spent on obsessing and compulsing all while maintaining my delightful charm and wit. Aren’t you lucky? I still work every day to manage the illnesses but I wouldn’t trade these experiences for anything. This is the way God made me and I’ve learned too much to change anything. Plus, along the way I got felt up by a tiny Indonesian woman and loudly cursed while praying and scared a woman on a plane. Who knows what will happen in the next 100 posts. I can’t make this stuff up.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Thankful Thursday

Hey! It’s only Friday! So Thankful Thursday is actually early this week. You’re welcome. I am venturing a few steps away from the list this week and I’m just going to lay a few things out there.

I am thankful to be able to go somewhere like the fair and not have a complete freak out. Of all of the places that I can’t go, who would ever think that the fair would be comfortable? I was medicated, but that still counts. I even let Luke and my children get on that rickety old space needle thing that goes all the way to the top of that tower and spins around before coming back down. We also got another squeaky Spongebob toy that I am not quite as thankful for. If there is anything more annoying than one squeaky Spongebob…it’s two squeaky Spongebobs.

I am thankful that I have not yet gotten the swine flu. I don’t believe in flu shots, so we’ll see what happens. Before you go all crazy, I do get them vaccinated and take them to the doctor and whatnot. I ‘m not like some paranoid, living in a tree, conspiracy theorist. I just don’t really believe in the flu shot. So far, we are all fine.

I am so thankful that we are getting bunkbeds! Thankful that we can afford it. Thankful that my children will no longer have the option of shoving crap all up under their beds. They can fit amazing amounts of stuff under there. It should be like a world record. But the new beds have drawers underneath. No room for the crap shoveling. I appreciate the little things.

I am also thankful for healthy babies and strong heartbeats and people being pregnant. I am especially thankful that I am not the one who is pregnant. I am so happy for the people I know who are in various stages of growing their little babies and for the babies who are here and doing well. As long as it’s not me. I can’t wait to see all of your little guys and hold them and kiss them and make them blankets and rock them and love them and hand them back when they start crying. Seriously, I love your babies and their heartbeats and being able to hear that heartbeat any time you want.

That’s what I got.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

We really are that clueless

I feel like I should give a little back story to the account of the guy who may or may not have hit on me. If it seems entirely impossible that I really just can’t tell, here are a few other examples.

When I was in high school, there was this kid I had a little crush on. We used to go out all the time in groups. Big group hangouts to get pizza or see a movie or drive around or whatever. One afternoon, he called and asked if I wanted to do something that night. “Sure, I’ll call everyone else.” It wasn’t until about half way through the evening that I realized he had been trying to ask me on a date. Alone. And I invited 6 other people. Nice.

The same thing happened another time too. This kid is calling me for a few days and then one day he’s all “Hey, let’s go see a movie” and I’m all “Cool, I like movies”. Then the next day my friends were like “You what!? You’re going on a date with him?!” And I was like, “Um, no. I’m going to a movie with him.” And they were like “No. This is a DATE.” And I was like, “Wait…what…no, I’m just…CRAP! I have an involuntary date!” At least this time I didn’t invite a whole bunch of people.

Speaking of involuntary dates…This happened in about fall of ’99 or 2000. It was during college and I think we were already engaged, but before we were married so Luke didn’t have a ring to wear yet. Luke called me from IHOP where he was supposed to meet a study group.

Me: Hello?
Luke: (frantic whispered tones) Hey! Are you busy?
Me: No. Why are you whispering?
Luke: I think I’m on a date!
Me: (long period of silence) OK…what?
Luke: I think I am on a DATE! What do I do?!
Me: What happened to study group?
Luke: Well, this girl from my class asked me to meet at IHOP to study. I think I just assumed that it would be a group, but it is just her and me!
Me: Can she hear you right now?
Luke: No! I’m not that stupid. She’s in the bathroom.
Me: (uncontrollably laughing)
Luke: Would you stop laughing and HELP me?
Me: So let me get this straight…she asked you for help studying?
Luke: Right.
Me: And she says “let’s meet at IHOP.”
Luke: Right.
Me: And how did you not know that she was asking you out?
Luke: Shut up! I can’t help it if I am irresistible.
Me: (Still laughing) Yes, irresistible is exactly the word I was looking for.
Luke: So what do I do?
Me: Well don’t make out with her. You don’t want to give her the wrong idea.
Luke: I hate you.
Me: Also, make sure to ask for separate checks as quickly and loudly as possible. Then just talk about me a lot. That should be easy for you.

By the time he finished his “date” he had mentioned me so many times that she probably got the impression that he had some weird form of Tourette’s; and he had so aggressively demanded separate checks that everyone in a 2 block radius knew that he wasn’t that into her.

So…not good with the clues. Maybe it’s a good thing we got married so young, because can you imagine us trying to date for real?!

Sunday, September 20, 2009

It never really goes away. It just takes little breaks and then comes back with some new crazy tricks

It has been like the good ole days. The fear, the anxiety, the dread, the shallow breathing, the tingly hands and feet, the dizziness. Oh, how I have missed you panic attacks.

Not true. I haven’t missed them. But they are back. Along with all the rest of OCD. Apparently this is “normal”. It’s “normal” to relapse. It’s “normal” to have breakthrough panic. Well, good news then everyone; I am very “normal”.

It’s like climbing the hill on a roller coaster. It’s slow and slower and slower until that moment when everything seems to stop. Then all of the sudden, you are flying back down the hill, right back down to where you came from. Then you are going around the part where you go upside down. I hate that part because it makes me dizzy and sometimes I black out. It seems like my roller coaster has stopped at the inverted part. I need the bored teenager who works the ride to call some backup and get me some help getting right side up again, but he is really busy hitting on some girl waiting in line. Yeah, right dude. Not a chance. Their scrawny, pimply, hormonal love dance is keeping me dangling like some kind of vampire bat and it is really starting to freak me out. I think I might chuck a shoe at them, but I am a terrible shot and I would just end up being upside down and shoeless. No telling how many people have puked on this ride and I don’t want my feet in hurl residue.

Earlier this week we were at one of my favorite restaurants. I was filling up my drink when I suddenly got the strong feeling that someone was right behind me. Of course, no one was behind me, but I couldn’t shake the feeling. I wanted to run as fast as I have ever run before. I KNOW that no one is there, but that doesn’t take away the feeling that at any moment I am going to be attacked from behind. So then my vision goes all warped and my feet and hands stop cooperating with my brain, and my heart is racing and all I can think is “RUN, RUN, RUN” But there is NO immanent danger. My mind is giving me false signals. Welcome to panic. So, I’m twitching and spinning around to check behind me and flailing me arms which made my bracelets rattle like my own personal super hero warning bell. But I looked totally cute in purple dress and white necklace. That helps.

My response to panic is to touch, count, repeat, and ritualize. That show had been on a little hiatus for a while, but now you can catch the entire fully staged production almost any day of the week. And the best part is that now I have added some scenes to the show. New intoxicatingly crazy scenes that you just must see to believe. That crazy OCD; always full of surprises.

So maybe I can get the kid’s attention soon and he can call the maintenance man to fix the ride and get me off this crazy roller coaster. But I will still have a few ups and downs left before it is completely over. Then I’ll probably just get back in line to ride it again.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Thursday...Saturday I know, I know...

So how many times do I have to do this on Saturday before I finally just change Thankful Thursday to Thankful Saturday? I really did have the list all down by Thursday, it just needed to cook a little longer. So I left it in the oven. Then I checked all the knobs on the stove. Even my metaphors have OCD.

1) The book is done
Weeks and weeks of studying, reading, praying, writing, studying, editing, praying, writing, printing, punching, copying, and binding has come to an end!! The Newlywed Bible study is complete! We get to officially begin our study in the morning. I am so excited and so blessed to be a part of leading this great group. I love it!!

2) I got my snuggie
It is warm and soft and long and perfect and leopard print and it is the best as seen on TV purchase that I have ever made. I have pretty much been living in it since last week. The dog loves it too. We like to cuddle up in it. Or…snuggie up in it. See what I did there? Anyhow, I can now drink coffee, use my laptop, and answer the phone with warm arms. Also I can bake cookies for the homeless, paint murals for orphanages, and solve quantum physics problems because the only reason I never did all that stuff before was because my arms were so cold and my blanket was so complicated. I love my snuggie.

3) I got my shoes
Purple. Mary. Janes. Awesome. Just…awesome. That is all.

4) The fair is here
Of all the places agoraphobia steals from me, the state fair is one of the places I can go. I think it’s because we go every year and it never changes. It’s just the same toothless, mullet, tank tops with confederate flags, 4-H kids, fried things on sticks, karaoke, festival of all things absurd and comforting. So far we have seen 2 local celebrities, a woman in a Mexican wrestler mask, several beautiful mullets and a few tasty mustaches, pregnant women with beer and what I’m pretty sure was a humongous leprechaun. And that was just the first day.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

I am now a member of the elite snuggie community. But don't tell anyone

Me: I REAAAAALLLLY want a snuggie.
Luke: Why? Are you serious?
Me: Yes, I am too serious. I can’t even drink my coffee because my arms are all exposed to the elements. Plus I almost lit myself on fire.
Luke: ???
Me: I was trying to cook and hold my blanket at the same time. It DOES NOT work. So I need a snuggie. Do you mean to tell me that you have never had any difficulty doing things in a regular blanket?
Luke: No because I’m not an idiot.
Me: You have a cold heart. You need a heart snuggie.
Luke: Fine, get your stupid snuggie.

I set off immediately to get my snuggie. It seems like every time I go shopping, I see them everywhere. I’ve seen every color of solid, all the different prints, and even an OU snuggie. So, surely this was going to be easy. I’m just going to go in there and get one and go home and relax comfortably while easily using my laptop and answering the phone.

Location 1: I went to the Walgreen’s closest to my house. I know I had seen them there several times. As I sat in the parking lot ready to go in, it occurred to me that I was about to walk in to a Walgreen’s and buy a snuggie; and only a snuggie. Hmmm. I decided to make a beeline for the card section. I was just going to any old card to go along with my purchase, that way, it looked like a gift and not like I actually was buying one for myself. I got my card and started looking around for the blankets. There weren’t any. None at all. So NOW I am just sort of stalking around the store in really noisy heels carrying a card. I got a Dr. Pepper so I would look a little less conspicuous, but it must not have worked because the ever so helpful employee asked if she could help me find something. That’s when I realized that I didn’t even want to admit that I was in fact a grown woman wandering around a Walgreen’s looking for a blanket with sleeves because I can’t answer the phone or drink my coffee in a regular blanket because it is just too hard. I stalked up to the cashier paid for my card and DP and left.

Location 2: This time I went to Kohl’s. The last time I was there I had seen OU snuggies right in the front of the store. I figured it would cost a little more because as soon as you brand something with OU, it somehow becomes about 30 times more expensive. I didn’t see ANY of them, so I crept around for a little while. I looked a few shoes and clothes so that they wouldn’t call security or anything. I mean, I couldn’t just walk in and then walk straight back out. That would be weird! So I did a couple laps around the store. I did find a “pedegg” which is some horrible little egg with razors on the bottom (side?) that you rub all over feet to shave off layers of your skin. On purpose. Then you can dump all the little shavings out and do a craft project with glue and use the flakes like glitter. If you are freaking Hannibal Lector. I left quietly without buying anything.

Location 3: Technically location 3 was an accident. I was trying to go to another Walgreen’s but I got all turned around because I do that sometimes. Honestly I used to call Luke from my car and he would say “Where are you?” and I would say, “By that shopping center. The one with the books and the geeky game store and Greek food” and he would say “Do you know which street you are on?” and I would say “The street that if you keep driving straight it takes you to that vet that I don’t like.” And then he would say “What’s on your compass?” and I would say “North” and he would say “Turn around and drive straight until you see something you recognize then tell me what it is. Honestly woman. How do you get lost coming home from 2 miles away? Do I need to put a tracking device on you?”

So I got turned around and I ended up in the parking lot of CVS across the street from the Walgreen’s. I figured what the heck? I’m here. I’ll check it out. Now remember that I have never been inside of a CVS so this was a big big deal for the agoraphobic. But the promise of warm arms while my hands are free was too appealing and I pushed forward. I went straight to the cards, again; I’m not going to buy one of those things without a few decoy items. But I couldn’t find any cards that weren’t total crap so I got another DP. Then I realized that they don’t have snuggies here either!! They do have a 2 minute bed. What? Why would you want a bed for 2 minutes? I bought my pop and left.

Location 4: This whole quest was starting to get really ridiculous. I went to another Walgreen’s and thought I had hit the jackpot. But, they only had kid snuggies. Arrggghh!! But apparently I got to the Walgreen’s right as the nipple convention let out because I saw all kinds of nipples trying to slice through tube tops, T-shirts, and mini-dresses. Come on ladies, they sell bras right here at the Walgreen’s! Or even band-aids.

Location 5: The Holy Grail: They had snuggies. They had leopard print and tan. So I loudly asked my kids who were with me by now “Which kind should we get for her? Do you think she’ll like this one?” I said it loud enough that people outside probably heard me, but people were looking. I had to have some sort of legitimate reason for getting a snuggie and getting one for myself was an embarrassing reason. We also bought candy so it didn’t look like we came only for the blanket.

Yea!! We finally got home and I unwrapped my leopard print snuggie and got all cozy while Luke read the box.
Luke: “Why would they trademark ‘sleeves’?”
Me: “What are you talking about?”
Luke: “Well look right here, it says ‘sleeves’ trademark”
Me: OK. Look at the line above that genius. “The blanket that has –next line-sleeves, trademark” I’m pretty sure they trademarked the whole phrase.
Luke: Oh good. I was worried that I’m not allowed to say ‘sleeves’ anymore without some kind of fine.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

I love all of my facebook friends, but I have a few tips. Please don't de-friend me

Recently I commented on facebook about a few select words and phrases that irritate me. I don’t know why they are so annoying, the just are. If you are a chronic offender of these words and phrases, then by all means, continue to use them. I’m not the boss of you or the princess of facebook or whatever. Just know that whenever you use these cute little terms, I die a little inside.

1) Hubby- short for husband. Unless you married a cartoon character or live in a romantic comedy, this makes me roll my eyes on a good day, and nauseates me on a bad day. “I take you blank, to be my lawfully wedded hubby” No. “I now pronounce you hubby and wife.” Not unless you married the cobbler from the elves and the shoemaker because that is what I think of when I hear hubby.

2) Hubs-An even shorter derivation of husband and ironically even more obnoxious despite being smaller. And really if you are going to shorten husband shouldn’t it be “husb”? Or even “hus”? Then you can inexplicably re-lengthen that abbreviation to “hussy”. Can we think of something a little manlier to call them? I think they lose man points when we call them sickeningly sweet nicknames. Let’s just go ahead and call them our “Googookisses ittybittywitty roly-poly lovely faces”. And then we could shorten that with a cute little nickname. Like “Girl”.

3) Fam-This is what extremely lazy people call their families. OK, I can see how that is exhausting, writing the whole word and all. I got a little fatigued typing it just now. Maybe you are just really really busy and don’t have time for the whole word. You probably have mobs to beat in Mafia Wars or need to tend your farm full of FAKE animals that won’t actually die if you don’t feed them or you have a busy night of filling up my newsfeed with which character from Steel Magnolias you are, or what celebrity you look like. Also, spell check hates “fam” and that little paper clip is cursing at me right now for using this silly little time saving abbreviation. I’m pretty sure he just flipped me the bird.

4) Using any of the above words with “the” in front of it-Ex: “the hubs” or “the fam”. And in extremely rare incidences, “the wife”. No. Just…no. Acceptable uses of “the” would be “the dog” or “the explosive diarrhea” For the love of all good things, use a personal pronoun and not “the”.

5) Writing in text speak-It takes me longer to decipher your bizzaro code than if you would just write out the dang sentence. Are you afraid that the message is going to fall into enemy hands? I can’t understand wht U R trying 2 say 2 me. This is not acceptable unless U R 14. I H8 it. MayB they have a rehab 4 ppl like U 2 lrn how 2 spk normally. Thx. <3

6) Any capitalized abbreviations for entire phrases-LOL, OMG, ROTFL, LMAO, and my personal favorite; for people who don’t want to use the Lord’s name in vain…OMGoodness. Really?... Really? You are not even really rolling on the floor I bet. Liar. You are probably sitting on the couch smiling. You should say SOTCS.
Honorable Mention: Using the word “Peeps” You are a grown-up. That is all.

You may now continue to facebook your faces off using whatever crazy little abbreviations you want. I’m not the boss of you. Please don’t drop me as a friend.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Thankful Thursday has traveled into the future to visit us on Friday. It's really quite impressive

I was submerged in Newlywed literature for about 10 hours yesterday. I didn’t have the energy to write down the things I am thankful for. I was actually thankful. I just didn’t write it down. Heeeeeeeeeerrrre we go:

1) New pants
I ordered pants from Gap. I order almost all of my pants from there because normal stores do not carry pants for tall people. I’m thinking about opening up a store that only sells tall sizes and big shoes. And short people aren’t allowed to come in. We’ll have a “must be this tall” sign. And we'll put everything on really high racks and shelves that are comfortable for us. And the dressing rooms will have full length doors so that our head and shoulders aren't hanging out over the top forcing us to just stare at passersby while we undress. It’s not that I don’t love you, short people; it’s just that you have NO IDEA what it’s like to be this tall. I love love love it, don’t get me wrong, but I get really exhausted hearing all that “I have to have all my pants hemmed up, everything is too long whaaaaa” OK, shorties you have to have your pants hemmed, a bother I’m sure. But I can’t shop in a real store because of all the height discrimination. And THEN, I have to pay extra for the “tall” sizes and THEN I have to pay shipping. You have to have yours hemmed but I can’t make 4 extra inches of fabric just appear. I’m not Hermione.

Anyway…I ordered new pants from Gap in the same size I always order. They have tons of different cuts but I have been the same size for a while. Except when they came in the mail and I tried them on, they did not fit! In the good way! Not the lay on the bed and force the zipper up way. I actually will need to take them to the tailor and have them taken in! Short people, can you recommend any good tailors?

2) Newlywed literature
It’s been a lot of work, but it is coming close to the end. Which will actually be the beginning. Once the book is bound and ready, we start teaching the class on Sunday morning. I love newlyweds. I love giving them the skills to have a fighting chance at their marriage. I love blowing their minds with some of the things we teach that never occurred to them because they are in the crazy chemical obsessive can’t live without you phase. I love the opportunity to share the responsibility of teaching newlyweds with my husband. I love that my husband is as actively passionate about pro-actively protecting marriages as I am. I am so thankful for the blessing and opportunity.

3) Rain
I do love to tan, but when it can’t be sunny with a chance of skin cancer, then I prefer it to be cloudy with a high chance of rain. It has been cloudy and stormy and rainy and I have gotten so much done. I drink coffee and write and practice while the dog cuddles up to me. The only thing I need to complete the picture is a Snuggie. I REALLY want one. Remember how we all campaigned to my dear husband to get me a dog and now we have one? Well, troops. Fall in. (Is that a military thing?) Operation “I need a Snuggie” is in full effect. Here are some reasons: I get cold all the time, I can’t operate my normal blankets because they are always falling off, my feet stick out the bottom of regular blankets because of the tallness then I wear ugly socks and Luke makes fun of me, and I have almost lit myself on fire multiple times while dragging around two blankets (one for my body, one like a shawl for my shoulders). True story. So basically, getting me a snuggie=saving my life.

4) Purple Mary-Janes
Luke got me the awesomest shoes in history this week! 3 inch classic Mary-Jane pumps with a rounded toe and everything. And they are PURPLE!! Actually they are “plum” so they are this beautiful deep purple color. I am going to wear them til they fall apart. I already have the brown ones and they rock my face clean off. I don’t have them yet because I had to order them. I will post pictures ASAP.

And you are thankful for…

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Thanks, Thursday

Thursday! I have not been able to figure out what day it is for the entire week. Seriously, I wake up every morning and I sit there for a few minutes trying to figure out if it’s Sunday or Tuesday or try to remember if we went to church last night which would make it either Monday or Thursday. It’s very exhausting.

I am thankful this week for a 3 day weekend. I know it’s going to royally screw up my ability to know what day it is next week, but it will be awesome. Luke will be home (yea!) OU will play (yea!) and my mom and brother will come to visit (yea!) Just don’t be surprised when I turn up at church on Tuesday morning because I will have thought that the day before was Saturday. Sometimes it takes me a few minutes to even figure out the month. I’m pretty good with knowing the year. Mostly.

I am also thankful for weeks when I barely need to leave the house. It’s like agoraphobic Christmas.

I am thankful for delicious beverages. Just really good ones. Like DP and coffee. Is water a beverage? Or just like some kind of essential nutrient?

I would like to point out that while this post may seem as though it is in list form, it isn’t. Notice that there are no numbers separating each item. See…I’m growing. But I did start increasing again the number of times I touch my appliances and locks this week. Give a little, take a little.

Peace out!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

It's a curse really...being this awesome. Exhausting.

I while back I played piano for this wedding. I play weddings on a regular basis, so this one started out as business as usual. I was also going to be singing at this wedding; a classical piece that required an operatic voice. They wanted me to be at the rehearsal because they had never heard any of the music. OK, I’ll go even though I usually don’t.

I played and sang and was about to leave, when a young gentleman appeared out of nowhere in my face. He said all these things about how that was so awesome. I love classical music, that is soooooo impressive that you can play AND sing. He was a little bit gushy and kind of odd, but in my head I was all um…yeah I am pretty awesome at that. So I managed to politely chit chat with the close talker on the grounds that he was saying nice things about me and I totally like to talk about myself. He followed me around for a few minutes while I gathered my things, and then I went home.

The next day, I showed up a little early for the ceremony, so I sat at the piano for a while and played to warm up. Then I pulled out my book to read until it was time to start playing again. This is when the guy pulled up next to me at the piano and began to play.

OK, now I’m not really quick on the uptake at these kinda things. I’ve been with the same guy for 12 years now and the last time I had a guy “like” me I was about 14. So I figured I needed to run this by Luke. This is our conversation.

Me: OK, I might be overreacting, but I think I might I have been hit on.
Luke: What do you mean you “think” you were hit on?
Me: I mean, I don’t want to be all egotistical and think that every guy wants me on sight, but I am looking really good today and I’m just saying that possibly I was hit on but I don’t know because I don’t know how guys do that kind of thing and maybe he was just being friendly.
Luke: OK. A-You do look good today. B-You are kind of retarded about that stuff so tell me exactly what happened.
Me: Well…first he followed me around for a while and told me how great I was. It was awesome by the way.
Luke: Yes, I can see how you might enjoy that.
Me: Then today…he sat by me at the piano and started playing. Then while he was playing he told me about how he plays guitar. Oh, and he likes to sing and write love songs. Luke Cavett why are you laughing?!
Luke: Just keep going.
Me: Then I stood to help light candles and he asked me how tall I was. He took the candle thing and lit the candles. I told him I was 6 foot with out my shoes. And he was all, “Wow! That is amazing. That is so cool! I love that you are sooooo tall.” Luke! You are cackling. What is so dang funny?
Luke: Was that it?
Me: Yes, that was about it because it was time for me to play the prelude.
Luke: (who can barely talk through the laughing) OK…what song did he play on the piano?
Me: The theme from Titanic. What!?
Luke: I never have to worry about you leaving me for another man do I?
Me: So was he hitting on me or not?
Luke: Yes, I would say that he was hitting on you.
Me: I thought he was just friendly and liked Leonardo DiCaprio movies.
Luke: It’s a good thing you are dumb and pretty, otherwise I might really worry.
Me: You suck.

FYI: A few weeks ago I got a free pizza from a guy at a restaurant. Apparently, I am awesome. Luke had to tell me why he gave me the free pizza, because I totally missed the point. I don’t know what I would do without my husband there to let me know when guys are into me. Secretly, I think he loves it. He did get to eat the pizza.